Fiancé’s family doesn’t like me

Dear Pastor,

I am 32 years old and my fiance is 36 years old. We have a child together, but there is something about his family that I can't seem to understand.

When my fiance and I just met, things were going right. We had a little discussion about his family. Whenever I asked him about the situation, he would say that his parents are good people. I was curious. I wanted to know more. When I finally met them in person, everything was going well at first, until something happened one day while I was visiting them. I went to the car and I was on a business call. My fiance and his family members were upset. But he refused to tell me what had happened. But I believed that they were fussing about me. After that incident, my fiance stopped visiting them.

Things became a little spooky and tense after that. However, they wanted to see their grandchild, so I would take the little child to visit them. I stayed over sometimes. I knew it was a bad idea, but they were always the ones insisting that I come to look for them. I didn't like the feeling at all. I could feel the pretence everywhere I turned in the house, especially from my fiance's older siblings. At one point, they would even cut their eyes at me or refuse to talk to me. Their countenances were always ugly towards me.

However, they seem to love the child. I don't know if I should withdraw from these people or continue to be nice to them. If I should withdraw from them, how can I do so without causing any contention?

N.B.

Dear N.B.,

You believe that you have not been accepted by neither the parents of your child's father nor by his siblings.

You have been trying to pressure your child's father to tell you more about his family and he has not done so. You said that there was an incident and you tried to get him to explain what it was about because you believed that the argument was about you. As a result of that argument, your child's father stopped visiting his parents' home. But they wanted to see their grandchild, so you took the child to visit them.

I do not understand why you slept over and you knew that these people don't like you. Now that does not make any sense to me at all. You should have taken the child to visit them for a couple of hours and then returned home. Why would you sleep at their home while their son would not even visit them? That's a mistake you made. You cannot force people to love you or appreciate you. They were not very hospitable. They did not make you feel welcome. A short visit would have been enough. I hope that you have learnt your lesson.

These people love their grandchild, but evidently they do not love you. So please, you can talk to them on the phone occasionally and if your child is old enough to talk to them, he/she should be allowed to do so, on the phone. Do not sleep at their house. Your child's father should have told you that. Or to put it bluntly, you should have used your common sense to know that short visits are enough. Go to your yard. They do not appreciate you. You are wasting your time trying to buy their love. I hope you understand what I am trying to say to you.

Pastor